A journal entry of mine from April 2, 2020:
“Plans. What a funny concept. We make plans without knowing even what the next hour will hold. I believe that as humans, we subconsciously cling to plans as if we control what we experience in our lives. But you know what I’m learning? So much of our time on earth is ultimately wasted when we place our trust in our plans instead of the One who controls them. God has a way of wrecking our plans just when we thought we had them under control. God has a way of changing our course just when we thought we had adjusted to it. Just because you say “yes” to God does not mean you know where He is going to take you. Life with Him is not near anything we expect. Would you follow Jesus anywhere? Even somewhere that seems mundane to the season that you were expecting? God has a way of changing our plans- but He also has a way of showing up even in the most unexpected of places. Clinging to His faithfulness in this season.” (Little did I know how much I would need these words in this season. But God knew. Isn’t He just the coolest?)
The last time that I posted on my blog was in the midst of our world beginning to completely change.
It has been an interesting four months to say the least. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined our world entering a global pandemic and my (and so many others) plans being completely wrecked.
Throughout the past four months, the plans for the race have been up in the air. There was no way to guarantee international travel by September, and therefore all racers were made aware of contingency plans.
In all honesty, I was extremely optimistic that we would be able to fully launch for the field in September. I mean, this was my plan for the past ten months; what else should I expect?
Even amidst my optimism, a few months back, I began praying over what the Lord had for me if plans changed. And the answer He gave me was not the one I wanted.
College.
No no no no no. NO. That was my initial reaction when the Lord began to soften my heart towards the idea of attending school early. I mean this is not at all what this season was supposed to look like. For weeks and months, I wrestled and argued with the Lord, begging Him to guide me to the contingency plan. Four months of intentional discipleship training in Gainesville, GA with my squad. The people I have become so close with throughout my ten month race journey. I told myself over and over again that God would never ever have put me through this journey to simply bring me back to where it all started; calling me to college sooner than I thought.
But then I read James 4:15-16 and boy did He convict me.
“Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.”
If I could summarize how I have felt throughout the past six months in one word, it would be comfortable. If I am honest, I was not relying on the Lord with my plans. I had already gone through the process of reliance, but once my plans were solidified, that disappeared. I had a plan. I knew what I was doing. Or so I thought.
Around three weeks ago all racers received the dreaded email- we were going through with the contingency plan. We had two options: to attend discipleship training this fall in Georgia and leave for the field in January, or just leave for the field in January. Both good, God pleasing options. I believe that this is what made the decision so difficult.
A few weeks ago a friend of mine gave me some encouragement: sometimes God gives us a choice. Both of the options in front of me were pleasing to the Lord. However, it was a matter of where I felt that the Lord was calling ME to in this season.
The past few months, it has been a constant battle between what I thought were going to be my plans, and what God was calling me to. I have been fervently praying and on my face before the Lord asking what He has for me. And after much prayer, lots of tears, confusion, and seeking wise counsel, I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord is calling me to attend Johnson University this fall and launch for a six-month race beginning in January 2021. A race that I do not know the locations or people. But nonetheless, a race that the Lord has revealed is where He wants me.
Although I will not be training with Adventures in Missions for four months this fall, I know that He has put me through this season for a reason. I have met people through this process that I know without a shadow of a doubt will be forever friends. My people. And I feel that the Lord wants me here in Knoxville for a reason. Even if I do not know why, God knows… and that is all I need to know.
This opportunity is one I could have never dreamed up on my own. Although I did not expect to attend college this fall, I know God has me here for a reason. I get to love on people here in Knoxville in preparation for loving people while I am on the race- all within one school year!
Thank You Jesus for showing me where You want me, even if I do not understand why.
As scary and unknown as this season looks, I also have so much peace knowing that I am in His will- knowing I am not just blindly walking into the unknown, but following my God into the unknown. HE IS ALL I NEED.
I am reminded daily that life with Jesus is full of unknowns and the unexpected. But I am also reminded daily that life with Jesus is more than I could ever ask or imagine.
So whether I am on a college campus, or serving Him across the world, I am finding so much comfort knowing that God has things in store that will blow my mind.
Thank you to everyone who has prayed or listened to me throughout the past month as I have wrestled with this decision. I am so stoked to see what the Lord has in store through this new addition to this season.
As weird as it is to say:
See you in August, Johnson University! and…
See you in January, The World Race!
I cannot wait to see all that the Lord has in store. It’s gonna be crazy.
(On a logistic note, given that this new trip is only six months instead of nine, the cost has been cut significantly. My new fundraising goal is $10,500, so I am almost fully funded!)
