What’s up party people!
It’s been a while since I last posted.
Life has looked so different throughout the past two months than I would have ever imagined. But it has been oh so sweet.
When the Lord called me to go to college earlier than I thought, I had no idea why. And although the past few months have been more than I could have ever asked for, I am still unsure why the Lord called me where I’m at. However, I am so grateful that He did.
The people I have met at Johnson so far are some of the kindest, most Christ-centered people that I have ever met. Genuine people with beautiful hearts. I am abundantly grateful for the relationships the Father has placed in my life so far. A clear image of His faithfulness.
But even with all the blessings the Father has lavished upon me in this season, one thing that has been so difficult in this new season has been letting go of my expectations.
My expectations of
friendships
relationships
school
my future
and most of all, the expectations I so often place on God.
Without realizing it, I came to this campus with an agenda and a bad attitude. I had clung to my plans of the race for the past year, and when God called me to somewhere else, I subconsciously assumed that He was finished working. I did not think I could experience the same growth on a college campus that I could in a foreign country doing mission work. But God has recently been convicting me that His faithfulness to provide and show up is not dependent on anything I do or do not do. His faithfulness is not dependent on my circumstances.
God can provide for my spiritual needs, stretch me in ways that I cannot fathom, show up big, and carry out His mission just as much at Johnson University in the middle-of-nowhere Tennessee as He can across the world on the mission field.
So I need to stop showing up with an agenda and I need to stop showing up with a bad attitude.
But even when I do, He meets me there. How beautiful is that? A Father who works in even the driest of seasons. A Father who works in even the most unexpected of places.
Surrendering with open hands has also been hard. Letting God take something away that I had clung to for so long to replace it with something I would have never chosen for myself has been a struggle. Not knowing what is next has stretched me.
However, the Lord is teaching me that surrender is a blessing if it brings me nearer to Him. Pruning is a mercy if it lets me know more of who He is.
An Instagram post of mine from a few weeks back:
“I would be lying if I said following the Father is always easy and there are no sacrifices, but I would also be lying if I said that following the Father is not the best decision I could ever make. I’m learning a lot in this season that was supposed to look a lot different but instead looks like it does right now. College and learning to let God use me where I’m at. I could write about it forever. But to keep it quick, I’m learning every day to pick up my cross even if I don’t understand why. To follow God where He calls, knowing He goes before me. To dance in the confusion because there is joy here!!!! This life with God is not easy. It’s difficult sometimes. But it is in these vulnerable seasons with the Father that He does His best work. And I’m seeing His faithfulness fulfilled before me in so many ways.”
I do not have to understand. And I may not ever understand the ultimate purpose of surrender and following where God calls.
But as I sit here in a college dorm writing on a blog that I thought would be about mission work in Romania at this point in time, I cannot help but sit back and see the Father’s hand in it all. He is good and faithful no matter where I’m at.
