As I look back at the past year and a half, it is mind-blowing to comprehend all the change and refinement that the Lord has walked me through. Little did I know that when I signed up for the race, I was walking into a journey of following the Lord any and everywhere he called, even when it was extremely difficult. Little did I know that when I agreed to follow the Expectations of a Racer, that I would have to walk into abandonment time and time again in numerous forms: "Abandonment. I commit to putting my expectations, entitlement, comfort, friends, and family second to following Jesus. “Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one’s own self!—can’t be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26)."

This year has not looked like I thought it would. God has stripped me of my plans and desires and sat with me in the darkest of valleys whispering "will you trust me with this one too?" He has asked me to do HARD things and continues to every single day. And as hard, refining, and unexpected this season has been, I still know more than ever that the Lord has carried me the whole way. And he has so much more in store.

When I signed up for the Race, I did not sign up to travel to specific countries; I signed up to follow Jesus wherever he led me. And that is exactly what this season has been. 

"Will you follow Me anywhere, even if it's not what you want?" 

As I look back on this season, I can't help but laugh at how I thought I was in control of my plans; that I thought I knew what was best for my life. Life with Jesus is better than I could ever ask or imagine. Following him into the unknown and uncomfortable is more beautiful than anything I could ever plan out. 

Yes, abandonment is hard. Yes, living a life with open hands is hard. But wow, if this is the sacrifice I have to make in order to fully experience the glory of the Lord, then I will continue to choose this way every single time. 

Since being on the field, I have had to continue to wake up every day and surrender my expectations to the Father. I might not know what is to come, but I do know who holds it all together. ("He is before all things, and in him all things hold together" Colossians 1:17)

So what's next in this journey of living life with open hands? Where is God going to take us next?

Just two weeks ago we found out that we will be spending our last three months on the field in PANAMA!

As for ministry in Panama, I am completely unaware of what it will look like. For now, I get to sit in full trust knowing that the Lord has something incredible in store for these next few months! I have no doubt that God will meet my squad and I with more restoration, beauty, and refinement than we could ever muster up by our own might. 

So I will continue leaving all my expectations at the feet of the Father. I will continue to show up wherever my feet are planted and experiencing Jesus in fresh ways.

He has given me every reason to not do anything less.